Scene 4: The Closet
<The room now has junk spilling out of the closet. Jamie stands in the middle of the room in a wedding gown.>
Laurie: You have a room full of her stuff. This apartment had a bedroom.
Jamie: Hardly anything, more of a walk in closet.
Laurie: That’s one of the pre-requisites to a walk in closet, you need to be able to walk into it!
Frank: How much of her stuff did you throw out?
Jamie: I have a certain lifestyle to uphold. I threw most of it out.
Laurie: You kept an entire bedroom of it.
Jamie: It’s a small bedroom.
Laurie: No family member came by at all to take any of the stuff?
Jamie: None, I wonder if they even know what happened.
Laurie: Do you feel bad for her?
Jamie: Sure I feel bad for her. The poor woman had no one. I threw her a small little funeral myself but I couldn’t get in touch with anyone she knew. I put the call out to people in the building and a few people came, but they didn’t know her. The closest thing she has to family were the people who said hi in the stairwell.
Frank: You told me her family threw her a funeral.
Jamie: We were the closest thing she had to family.
Laurie: The wedding dress looks ridiculous on you.
Jamie: You’re right, white really isn’t my colour. A shame, I really thought I could do something with it. Frank, are you interested?
Frank: We can throw it out.
Jamie: Fine, fine.
Laurie: There have been two bedrooms this whole time and Frank and I have been sleeping in the living room.
Jamie: Well I told Frank he could share the bedroom with me.
Frank: I never agreed to that.
Laurie: How many people die in the building in the course of a year?
Jamie: I don’t know a bunch. There’s a lot of old people who live here, and it’s musty, probably not the best place for people with breathing conditions. You know the worst part is I don’t think anyone ever wore this dress. It’s a waste of a good dress. You know in some countries they wear white to funerals.
Frank: Do you go to all the funerals?
Jamie: No, that’s ridiculous. What if I dyed it? I’ve always been told that blue is my colour, but I prefer red.
Laurie: Jamie, why are there so many?
Jamie: <pause> Do you believe in ghosts?
Laurie: Of course.
Frank: No.
Jamie: Of course, no. That’s ridiculous. I look a bit like a ghost in this dress don’t you think? Like Mrs Havishum waiting for her husband.
Laurie: Why do you go to so many funerals?
Jamie: I guess I sort of believe in ghosts. I get upset when people just don’t care. I mean, no one can be expected to have a treasure trove of stuff. But imagine looking down from above and this necklace <picks up necklace> this necklace your father gave to you on your 18th birthday and you saved for your whole life is just being carted away. I don’t keep it all, I have taste, but I find so many things absolutely delicious.
Laurie: Well we’re going to need to clear it out.
Jamie: I would prefer you didn’t. How about this: you both go out, treat yourself to a coffee <pause> My treat, and when you get back it will be ready to move in. Unzip me. <steps out of the dress wearing some outrageous underwear> Here, take this with you to the trash on your way out. <hands them the wedding dress.> See? I’m well on my way.
Frank: You don’t want help?
Jamie: Not at all, I got myself in this situation and I can get myself out.
Frank: That’s ridiculous. We’ll stay to help.
Jamie: You’re the ones who broke into my private room, which I did not give you permission to look in and then proceeded to confront me and demand that we get rid of my stuff. Give me some shred of privacy.
Laurie: Okay, Frank, let’s go.
Jamie: <picks up a box> See? My first load of stuff. I’ll follow right behind to the dumpster.
Frank: You should probably put on some clothes.
Jamie: Picky picky. Fine you go on ahead. When you get back you’ll be amazed.
Frank: I can take that box.
Jamie: No. I want to go through it first. Make certain there’s not something important here for me.
Frank: Are you sure you don’t need our help?
Jamie: Of course not! Go see something fun. <closes door behind them.> Okay, let’s get started. <Looks down at himself.> First thing’s first.
Laurie: You have a room full of her stuff. This apartment had a bedroom.
Jamie: Hardly anything, more of a walk in closet.
Laurie: That’s one of the pre-requisites to a walk in closet, you need to be able to walk into it!
Frank: How much of her stuff did you throw out?
Jamie: I have a certain lifestyle to uphold. I threw most of it out.
Laurie: You kept an entire bedroom of it.
Jamie: It’s a small bedroom.
Laurie: No family member came by at all to take any of the stuff?
Jamie: None, I wonder if they even know what happened.
Laurie: Do you feel bad for her?
Jamie: Sure I feel bad for her. The poor woman had no one. I threw her a small little funeral myself but I couldn’t get in touch with anyone she knew. I put the call out to people in the building and a few people came, but they didn’t know her. The closest thing she has to family were the people who said hi in the stairwell.
Frank: You told me her family threw her a funeral.
Jamie: We were the closest thing she had to family.
Laurie: The wedding dress looks ridiculous on you.
Jamie: You’re right, white really isn’t my colour. A shame, I really thought I could do something with it. Frank, are you interested?
Frank: We can throw it out.
Jamie: Fine, fine.
Laurie: There have been two bedrooms this whole time and Frank and I have been sleeping in the living room.
Jamie: Well I told Frank he could share the bedroom with me.
Frank: I never agreed to that.
Laurie: How many people die in the building in the course of a year?
Jamie: I don’t know a bunch. There’s a lot of old people who live here, and it’s musty, probably not the best place for people with breathing conditions. You know the worst part is I don’t think anyone ever wore this dress. It’s a waste of a good dress. You know in some countries they wear white to funerals.
Frank: Do you go to all the funerals?
Jamie: No, that’s ridiculous. What if I dyed it? I’ve always been told that blue is my colour, but I prefer red.
Laurie: Jamie, why are there so many?
Jamie: <pause> Do you believe in ghosts?
Laurie: Of course.
Frank: No.
Jamie: Of course, no. That’s ridiculous. I look a bit like a ghost in this dress don’t you think? Like Mrs Havishum waiting for her husband.
Laurie: Why do you go to so many funerals?
Jamie: I guess I sort of believe in ghosts. I get upset when people just don’t care. I mean, no one can be expected to have a treasure trove of stuff. But imagine looking down from above and this necklace <picks up necklace> this necklace your father gave to you on your 18th birthday and you saved for your whole life is just being carted away. I don’t keep it all, I have taste, but I find so many things absolutely delicious.
Laurie: Well we’re going to need to clear it out.
Jamie: I would prefer you didn’t. How about this: you both go out, treat yourself to a coffee <pause> My treat, and when you get back it will be ready to move in. Unzip me. <steps out of the dress wearing some outrageous underwear> Here, take this with you to the trash on your way out. <hands them the wedding dress.> See? I’m well on my way.
Frank: You don’t want help?
Jamie: Not at all, I got myself in this situation and I can get myself out.
Frank: That’s ridiculous. We’ll stay to help.
Jamie: You’re the ones who broke into my private room, which I did not give you permission to look in and then proceeded to confront me and demand that we get rid of my stuff. Give me some shred of privacy.
Laurie: Okay, Frank, let’s go.
Jamie: <picks up a box> See? My first load of stuff. I’ll follow right behind to the dumpster.
Frank: You should probably put on some clothes.
Jamie: Picky picky. Fine you go on ahead. When you get back you’ll be amazed.
Frank: I can take that box.
Jamie: No. I want to go through it first. Make certain there’s not something important here for me.
Frank: Are you sure you don’t need our help?
Jamie: Of course not! Go see something fun. <closes door behind them.> Okay, let’s get started. <Looks down at himself.> First thing’s first.
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